Nipplegate. The night Janet, Miss Jackson if you’re nasty had a nip slip that blinded football fans everywhere. Every man, woman and child took pause, blinked and looked around the room… trying to confirm that you weren’t the only one who saw what you think you saw. We all remember where we were that fateful moment. Like when the Challenger crashed or Tupac got shot.

What we didn’t know is we were witnessing the death of the relevant halftime show. From that point on, we were stuck with Super Bowl halftime performers followed by Hair Club for Men and Extenze commercials.

The Who? Huh?! The Boss crotch shot? Why?! Prince made sense. Since then we’ve been stuck with old men stumbling around stage singing songs that were hits when O.J. Simpson was league MVP. Until now.

This year, Black Eyed Peas over Rice, or as I like to call them, “Comfort Food” is performing. Family friendly, NFL-mandated monk and nun robes have been designed exclusively for the occasion. And as a precautionary measure, Fergie will be wearing a chastity belt and kevlar vest.

After “Comfort Food” warms the hearts of America, I think these artists should perform halftime at the Super Bowl::

Katy Perry with Snoop Dogg + Wiz Khalifa :: Yes, this is Bubblelicious pop. And yes, Snoop is the most senior of this lineup and should headline. But his name (and Khalifa’s) will scare sponsors. We don’t want to scare sponsors now do we? Katy’s name, look and fans make her a more… palatable headliner. I propose that she opens the show with “Firework” and ends with “California Girls”. Snoop comes out, drops his verse and does a quick hit medley. Leading into the “Black & Yellow Remix” with Wiz Khalifa. Epic halftime.

LADY GAGA + WALE :: Everyone goes Gaga for Gaga. She’s Gaga! The song “Chillin”, better known as “lookin’ at, lookin’ at, lookin’ at me” by Wale featuring Gaga is a dope record and should definitely be the halftime grand finale. Getting Lady Ga to wear a costume that doesn’t offend half of the North American population may be a challenge. All in all, we are guaranteed a very entertaining show.